I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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