I just made out with a guy for $7.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
