All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
