People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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