did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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