You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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