I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
