i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
