If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
