I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
