Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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