ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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