you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize