wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
