I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
