There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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