your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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