So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
