It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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