I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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