Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
