your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
