Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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