Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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