His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
