im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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