Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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