batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize