So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
