i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
