I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize