Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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