The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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