her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
