Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've blown a few things in my day
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
