i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
