I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
