I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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