clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
