The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
