just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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