How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
