Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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