Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
