The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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