i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
