Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
