Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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