a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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