I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize