mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
