I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
