Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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