So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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