So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize