gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
