I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
