So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
