You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
