If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
