What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
