There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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