i would punch a child for taco bell
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize