oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
