:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
