your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
