is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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