for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
