Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
