me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
