Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
