She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
