Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
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