I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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