I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
