We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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