He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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