I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
