Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
