i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
