she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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