I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
