1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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