I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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