I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
