so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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