I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
