You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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