Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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