just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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