I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
