I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
