how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
