if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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