Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
