i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
