I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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