he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I die, sorry about rent.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
