Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
