he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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