we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize