Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
