Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
