Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
