so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
